Responsibility Backpack
How a 12-year-old realized it was time to pull her own weight
Anna is 12. And entering a difficult phase.
Her single mother has to ask three times for anything to get done. Homework gets “forgotten”, the bedroom is pure chaos. Getting Anna to do her chores is a chore of its own.
When Anna came to me I used the metaphor of a backpack full of all her responsibilities.
I had her visualize wearing one. Then taking it off and setting it down in front of herself.
She began unpacking it. And naming ten responsibilities she unpacked.
Getting dressed
Showering
Doing homework
Putting shoes into the rack
Being nice to friends
She listed them easily. No resistance.
Then I had her do the same exercise, but this time for her mom.
Mom’s backpack was a lot fuller. And heavier. Anna started unpacking.
Going to work
Paying for rent
Shopping
Cooking
Cleaning
Helping Anna with homework
Driving Anna to dance class
Organizing
There it was. A long list of everything her mother carries, arranges, remembers, pays for, worries about.
Laid out in front of Anna in a way that a lecture never could.
I asked her to pack all the responsibilities into the backpacks again.
And feel the weight of her mothers backpack.
Anna didn’t need to be told. She realized:
By not carrying her responsibilities she was adding to the weight of her mom’s backpack.
Anna decided she was ready for a bigger backpack. A teenager’s backpack. She filled it herself. And added 13 responsibilities this time.
We checked together whether it fit. It was heavier than before, she said. But manageable.
This shift happened because this 12-year-old visualized and saw how much her mother was carrying.
It triggered understanding and empathy.
And it helped Anna reach the personal conclusion that it was time for her to do her part.
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